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| Photo by Lucia...s photostream |
At the recent wedding that I travelled to Mexico to attend, I tried extra hard to plan outfits ahead of time and truly be ahead of the game and perfectly put together. I purchased some cute dresses, knowing this was a higher end resort and that many of the dinners would be dressy. I shopped for some time for the perfect outfits. I even bought some stuff online through fashion discounters (Beyond the Rack, Gilt or Hautelook). When I got those dresses however, it was laughable. They were bizarre and fit oddly. This was a good lesson into the difficulty of buying some items off of the internet. Dresses should be tried on in person period. The waif-like-boyish models are not going to give me an accurate picture of how the same dress will look like on mesomorphic me. They are going off to nearly new, tags and all.
In my home town shopping options are a rarity. The ones that are available are super high end and way out of my budget. I thus have limited choices. Another word of advice: if you live in no-mans-land, shop more when you are somewhere that has more than 3 stores. I did finally pick up a few dresses, and to be honest I didn’t “love” them. I bought two of them mostly because I was running out of time. This is a mistake as well. Now I have dresses in my closet that I am not sure I will be excited to ever wear again.
I tried to be all organized and think about accessorizing the dresses (I even thought I would practice outfitting the dresses prior, so that I could pack a complete outfit, but truthfully I never got around to it). I did however go out and try to buy the right bras (strapless etc.). In retrospect some shapewear would have been a good idea. Even the very thin bride had some Spanx under her wedding dress.
I felt good about my shoes. I generally pack light, so light that I actually look like I am living out of a suitcase. But this time I went for it and packed a different shoe for each of my outfits. I felt more organized than usual. Some cute dresses, the right bras and the right shoes. The polish was dulled from there. For some reason I put much less emphasis on the finished product and only haphazardly threw some jewelry together and selected a few mismatched make-up items. In these areas I came to realize I was sorely lacking. I also did not pack any hair products. What was I thinking? My hair is wilder than the west in humidity.
Each evening, I would proceed to get ready for and feel very good about which dress and which shoe I was going to wear. Then it came time to do my hair. I had nothing to style or control it with, no smoothing cream or hairspray. I went at it with an unfocused blow dry and an elastic band. Needless to say my hair usually looked like crap. To further highlight my poor organizational skills, I had postponed so long the getting of highlights and a haircut, that I left myself with no choice but to get a quick trim at a walk in mall, student training facility leaving my grayish roots exposed for all to see. The other women at the wedding were much more prepared than I with much more creativity and versatility in the hair styling and make-up department.
I profess to lacking any skill whatsoever in applying make-up. I have been guessing since sixth grade! To make matters worse, I had failed to bring a fully equipped travel make-up kit. Sadly I noted on this trip that heat and humidity cause the bags under my eyes as well as my upper lid to swell incredibly. I looked very lumpy and much older than my years during that week, most especially in top-light. I had no means to conceal this either as most of my make up was sitting useless at home. I had failed to bring any eyeliner, bronzer or blush and had no concealer option. I didn’t even bring lip stick! The overall effect was pretty awful. Gray rooted frizzy hair, puffy swollen eyes and a colorless face. But hey, my dress was cute and my shoes matched perfectly! Not at any time during these evenings did I feel good about the way I looked.
In retrospect I had failed at a number of organizational and girly girl details. I had purchased clothing I was not in love with and therefore did not feel great in. I had forgotten about my hair and make-up styling and thus was poorly prepared. Even though the wedding invitations came out 6 months ago, I didn’t get my hair done in time. I did get waxed prior to going, but right before my departure, leaving my skin pretty irritated looking for the first few days.
I spent the week comparing myself to all of the other girls. In doing so I became more and more depressed with how I looked. How did they know those were the perfect earrings for that dress or how to control the uncontrollable humidity mane! Their eyes were lined and nary a puff could be seen. To make matters worse, and for me this is an ever present issue, I was the biggest girl there. Over the last few years I have lost some 20 pounds (kids and a comfy marriage slapped them on me without mercy!). I am still 20 more pounds from the glory days. I lift weights and work out, and somewhere under the excess I am cut! Honestly though I realize that clothes don’t look as good on woman who are bigger, and more specifically, they don’t look as good on me! Bless my friend and consultant FTC (see prior post Men In Tights)! He has said before that I should embrace and love my size, as it is a great accessory! Height is enviable and athletic is attractive! I have tried…but surround me with a bunch of size fours and I wither up and die!
This is something I am working hard to come to terms with. I must celebrate the victories I have had with weight loss to date and continue on that path. Part of this journey involves uncovering my own insecurities and short comings. I must take what I have learned in good old Mehico and get better at preparing the WHOLE package. I need to spend the time to figure out how to deal with and style out of control hair, and how to apply a simple and flattering make up style. More importantly however, I need to appreciate that confidence itself is attractive, and if I could wear that more often, it would easily conceal bags under my eyes or a small yet cute muffin top!
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