Are My Labia too Long?

photo by g-hat

Writing this blog, I wondered what the response would be from other women. Am I alone in my ignorance, my insecurities? I timidly opened up about this idea, and some of the reasons I chose to write this, most recently to a group of women, three strangers and one friend. As I read the first artilcle to them at the insistance of my friend, the women in the room began to laugh and then ultimately, to share.

I told my husband the next day, it ended up being the most girly-girl talk I had had…in my life! “That’s saying something”, he said. The women in the group began to talk. And talk. And talk. Insecurities, questions about the unknown, and by the end of the evening (and several cocktails later), we were comparing our labia to assure ourselves that we were indeed normal. There are so many things in women’s lives that are open to insecurity. (Men be cautious when comparing women to other women and then actually saying something about it).

We women don’t often have the opportunity to get up close and personal with other women to compare and share. A whole lifetime of insecurity and questions can be born. We don’t know what our bits and pieces are supposed to look like, or how much pubic hair we should have or how big our nipples should be. We just have what we have. It is a rare crowd of women who can share what they’ve got and compare notes.

 As we get older the concerns and questions change. Ideas were thrown at me about additions to the blog. Manscaping (the male brazilian), box tightening and labioplasty for age related elongation of the labia…one guest in the conversation that night, who happened to be the most comfortable-with-chick-chat man I had ever met, and who also is a physician, stated that he had once met a woman with 6 inch labia. He even drew a fabulous picture illustrating a labial reduction procedure, that looked a lot more like cow teats than anything. But hey, do you know any man in your life willing to draw the female genitals? God it was refreshing to be able to talk about ANYTHING without holding back.

What I got from the evening, was that apart from surveying a gynecologist about what the normal box looks like and what styles of pubic hair most women are sporting these days, we really don’t have anywhere to go to figure out how we measure up.  I wonder though if it really matters?  
 
I spent an evening reassuring a woman that her labia were not too long, and in fact looked just fine. (Not sure where I gained the expertise to speak so wisely on the ways of southern labs...but I digress.)  She, however,  had spent a large part of her adult life feeling embarassed by her anatomy, ironically when she had no other labia to compare hers to.  I wondered where she had started to develop this notion that things weren't quite right downstairs? 
 
" A woman doesn't see herself through the eyes of her partner.  Too often she appraises herself in the mirror, one piece at a time.  Whatever she sees depends on more factors than anyone...could ever contemplate, many of them buried in childhood and adolescence, then reinforced through life experiences, social hierarchies, and our culture.  In every piece, she sees what she wants to be, what she could be, what she used to be, and very rarely, happily accepts what she is."  from Finding the Doorbell: Sexual Satisfaction for the Long Haul, Pierce and Morgan.