Be Prepared

Hairy back thong...photo by movethelife.

If your lover walked up to you right now and wanted to jump your bones, are you ready?  I don't mean in the mood, but ready, like prepped, like in order?  Are your legs shaved?  Your bush waxed? Is your breath fresh?  If your woman had a hankering to visit your southern trio, would you be hockey-bag musty or spring-meadow fresh?  "Hold on honey!  I have to jump in the shower and "freshen uuuup"!"  MOOD KILLER!

I have this sensuous, romantic friend who believes one must always "Be Prepared".  Like a girl scout, you must be ready at a moments notice, to be taken without worrying if your leg hair might be abrading his thighs or your halitosis curling her eyelashes! My friend has "tsked! tsked!" my chapped lips, sharing balm from her own personal stash, scolding me for not being ready to be kissed.   It's in line with our mothers telling us to wear clean underwear, lest we be involved in a near fatal car accident, leaving us unconscious, with the emergency personnel forced for some reason, to remove our underwear.  Or, better yet, those clean sexy undies could come in handy if your hot lover decides to get unexpectedly frisky!

Being ready, means thinking about possibilities.  A little fantasizing can go a long way to guide your readiness preparations.  There are times you could anticipate some action while others will take you by surprise, the trick is to be ready for both.  Regular maintenance makes this a little easier.  If you keep up on body hair and odor management, you will establish a good foundation for the worry free 'sesh.

Keep handy, upon your person, such things as lip balm, breath aids, hair brush, and hygenic wipes.  You could even model the well prepared girl scout and carry it all in a smart fanny pack.  I jest of course.  You will not get laid if you carry a fanny pack!  But the point is, granny underwear and days away from your last shower will hardly send the readiness invite to your randy lovah!

I'm a gal that digs sweat pants and comfy woolly socks.  Underneath that sexless exterior, for example, I could sport a lacy thong and a freshly waxed Brazilian...OH YEAH, I am ready!  Bring it on baby!!  Ooh La La!  With a little perfumy bliss and nipple tassels what man wouldn't start regularly jumping forty-something moms in baggy jeans and tevas.  That pony tail is nothing more than an opportunity to let my hair down, hot stuff!  Just like those pretty woman movies, in a moments notice we could transform from frumpish housewives into lusty porn stars, ready for the taking!

In reality though, constant readiness is a lot of work, and gosh darn it, much of the time, I will say no anyway.  Not only because I'm not in the mood, but quite often as a means to control my spouse.  He's so desperate for sex, I could dress like a lesbian gym teacher and he would still manage a boner.  Seriously though, I am serious.  Eking out a little low maintenance me-time, is a treasured pleasure.  Greasy hair and socks with Birkenstocks, thank you very much, are a little piece of heaven for this unprepared, mother of two.

I am thus going to maintain a state of selective readiness.  There is a appalling lack of spontaneity in married life, so my preparation energy is rationed for those times I know I will really need it.  Like tomorrow evening, when my husband will be returning from a week-long boys' trip.  I'll have a little extra somethin'-somethin' planned for him.  I'll shave all the appropriate areas, launder my one pair of sexy drawers and bingo-bango let's do the tango!