I'm A Bad Mom!

Photo by Rabeea Arif.

My six year old doesn't know how to tie his shoes.  His best buddy, also in kindergarten, knows how to tie his shoes.  I should have taught him by now...it's just been easier to do it for him so we don't miss the bus every morning.  Today, I'm chilling out at the local coffee shop rather than chaperoning my daughter's 3rd grade field trip...it is raining after all.  I should be be gliding down the Alpine slide with her this afternoon, but instead am enjoying a steamy chai whilst listening to that new-age funk you only hear in coffee shops.  My son's kindergarten graduation is tomorrow...but I am going golfing instead.  Does that make me a bad mother?  Don't get me wrong, I do my fair share of mommy activities with my kids, but I also selfishly keep some time just for me...it's a sanity thing.

This whole motherhood thing kind of fell into my lap, and just keeps on falling.  I am a reaction parent...I learn how to do it, after "it" has passed.   Like the many parenting books I own that guide me through normal child development, I wish there was one for me, highlighting the appropriate parenting milestones I am expected to reach.  Eg.  When to teach shoe tying or how to ride an Alpine slide.  I am not sure how really awesome moms stay on top of all of this stuff...do they have a secret club?  A "Mother's Almanac"?  I always feel a step behind.

I recall when my daughter was a kindergartner, and came home with her bag filled with cutesy, home-made valentines.  I had not even thought about the tradition of valentine exchange that goes on in school (though once reminded, reminisced about my own love of that day) and had failed to provide her with her own batch for sharing.  A light bulb went on then!  I realized there was a whole new group of mothering tasks I would be responsible for: childhood traditions. ( I have been making up for my Valentine failure ever since with over-the-top, super-mom, elaborate hand-crafted cards)

Birthday parties were also foreign terrain I had to learn to navigate.  I had recollections of my childhood birthday party experiences to draw from, but modern day b-day partying was not on my radar.  When I was a kid, the hot trend was "Money Cakes".  I kid you not, moms would carefully wrap coins in wax paper, and bake them within the cake.  You would hear loud tooth cracking sounds, as each child eagerly dug into their cake, followed by an exclamation, "I found a dime!"  I had enough common sense to filter that out as an option, lest I enjoy law suits.  Roller skating rinks don't exist anymore, so that was out too.

I'm not sure how much is too much, how elaborate gifts should be, do you invite the whole class, will they judge me if I buy the cake?  So much pressure.  Am I supposed to stay and hang out (I'm not a big small talker, preferring more one on one time with people.  I get lost in groups, and I always feel mommishly inferior.)  Is a jumpy house, a clown, a juggler, and a bowling/pool party too much?  Who are these parties for anyway?

Through trial and error, I honed my mom-skills as a birthday party planner and school year cultural observances coordinator and am now working on my summer activity organizational skills.  I have found myself over the last several weeks, scurrying around, mapping out the summer activities for my family.  This chaotic exercise is required now that school is letting out, in order to patch together some cleverly disguised child care.  East coasters are dialed in to this activity, usually having their whole summers planned by February.  I missed out on one camp I was hoping to enroll my daughter in as I was late to registration, having started last minute, a mere four months before the camp actually started!

Poor girl is now stuck with a YMCA camp.  Well, it's not too much of a hardship, it is in Colorado after all.  We have t-ball, basketball, golf, trampoline camp, soccer, swimming lessons, hiking once a week, music camp, art camp, a day camp for down and dirty kid time, nature camp, grandma days, etc. etc.  I am scared to look at my day timer as each day of each week is different and my husband and I will be scrambling to get each kid where they need to be, with the right stuff.  Fortunately, I am not overly overachieving oriented on behalf of my kids, so I am not picky about the activity, just glad that any given day is covered.

I suppose it is inevitable that I will forget something and end up in a panic, despite my best efforts.  I will continue to learn how to be  the best mom I can be through trial and error.  Just as I master one age, those darn kids get older, and I have to figure it out all over again.   Any day now, my daughter will be a teenager, and then what? The ironic thing is that I will figure this all out just in time for them to head off to college.  Everyone will be able to tie their shoes, be potty trained and God willing, not in juvenile detention.