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| Photo by seanmcgrath. |
Likes sweet gifts a lot.
But crap gifts,
Without thought, she
despises A LOT!
Men dread girl-gift-giving, the panicked shopping trip!
It's not in their genetics! Can we blame them a bit?
It could be their minds don't think quite like ours.
It could be they spend too much time in cheap stores.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May be that they're not paying attention to their women at all.
Whatever the reason,
He's just dumb or a prick,
He better buy something, and get it right quick!
"Oh shit! It's Valentine's", he realizes late.
"I better get something, and it better be great!"
For this evening he knew,
His girl would be looking for a Valentine's gift.
And if he didn't deliver,
She'd Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
Then he'd be shut out for any Valentine action!
He hated her power, her over-reaction!
"I must get something awesome that will make her put out!"
"7-Eleven! I hope you are open!" he shouts.
Then he got an idea!
A simple idea!
That prick, got a wonderful, simple idea!
If it's thoughtfulness she wants, he thought to himself,
I'm sure I can't buy that on a convenience store's shelves.
Perhaps if I love her and show her I care,
I'll still get some nooky and some action down there!
Just in case he mis-read her, he backed up his plan,
And bought her some roses, a card and some spam! (sort of rhymes with plan?)
Gift giving in relationships can be a dodgey issue. For the woman in a relationship, the amount of effort put forth and the type of gift they recieve, are strong indicators of their partner's feelings for them. Unbeknownst to some men, their whole relationship could very well hinge on their gift giving skills. When women buy gifts, if they like you at all, the process involves a complete search of their memory archives for any hint you may have given, suggesting that you liked, wanted or needed something. Their innate shopping prowess, enables them to find the most thoughtful and perfect gift for any occasion.
Men on the other hand, have a reputation for poor gift giving and shopping ability. This is a broad generalization I know, but it does hold true for most men. Girly men are a breed unto themselves (See: Girly Men blog) and are endowed with as much gift giving prowess as any woman. Blessed be the woman who loves a girly man! Bad gifts by men are so common they are cliche! Several factors influence a man's gift giving challenged-ness. These include last minute panic shopping, budget concious bath product purchases, lack of retention of their partner's favorite things (despite a plentitude of poorly disguised hints) and failure to recall special occasions.
What are your lady's favorite flowers? Does she prefer chocolate or caramel? Is she willing to bathe herself in Walmart bath products? Is she offended when you up-size her lingerie? Simple questions to be sure...ones that any woman could answer in a heartbeat, drawing from her extensive "I Love You" information vault.
"Aren't I just being materialistic and shallow about this?", many might question. Probably, yes. However, women are conditioned from very early on in life, from their mothers, friends, etc., that proper gift giving, though not necessarily linked to extravagence, must be carried out with the greatest degree of thoughtfulness and creativity. Unless we expend our best effort on a gift, we cannot, in good concious, give it! Our disappointment in poorly given gifts is therefore a conditioned response.
In truth, when I was younger, crap gifts really bothered me. Early on, before my husband and I were married, we shared our first Christmas. To me, a lot was riding on his gift selection. A meaningful, romantic gift might suggest our relationship was moving to the next level, but a more generic gift might suggest he wasn't very serious about us. He got me a day planner. He defended himself by telling me it was expensive and he knew I needed one. To me, the day planner signified a dead end in our relationship. I was gravely disappointed.
With age, comes wisdom, and my appreciation of the fact that whatever a man takes the time to get a woman as a gift, means something. For a man to step out of his comfort zone and shop is a big deal. Sometimes he'll knock it out of the ball park and sometimes he won't. Need and want are equal gift qualities for a man. If you get a set of knives for your birthday, it is because you said you needed them, not because he wants you to cook for him.
My father was the worst, greatest gift giver of all time. He was a very stoic man. Uber manly. He was incapable of being mushy. He also only shopped for gifts maybe a half dozen times in all of the years I knew him. My mother told me when they were courting years ago, he bought her nylons and hairspray from the local dime store. At first, this might sound trivial, perhaps even thoughtless. My mother was overcome by the sweetness of this gift. She grew up in a very poor family, and was unable, like all of the rest of the girls, to afford these basic girly items. My father had identified that, and in his heart, gave her something he knew she wanted but couldn't get for herself. I can only imagine how embarassed he was as a young teen, walking up to the counter to pay for these items. What a sign of love! I still have the sparkly key chain he bought me, when I was 16. My name is spelled in rainbow colored letters, and encased in a plastic shell. It was the first and I believe only gift he bought for me himself, and to me it is priceless.
My husband, in his own, sweet, special way rocked his Valentine's gift. He got me roses...not my favorite flowers, but lovely. He bought me a bag of Kraft caramels...proud to have remembered I prefer caramel over chocolate. He surprised me with dinner reservations and a babysitter for the kids, fooling me by telling me to meet him and the kids at a local pizza joint, whence upon my arrival he whisked me away to a romantic dinner, with great wine and conversation. These gifts might not have been right for any other woman, but they were perfect for me.
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