Screw You Bambi!

Photo by jonnnnnn.

I’ve spent some time looking into this mid-life thing from a different angle. What if a mid-life crisis is really just mid-life burnout? It’s possible that depending upon where we find ourselves in this crux of our lives, we might simply be tired. Burnout, according to a variety of sources, is an emotional, mental and physical reaction to chronic stress. We often associate burn-out with work, but what if we can burn-out within our lives too? I can think of a few chronic stressors present at home…relationships, kids, bills, responsibilities etc. etc. Even small issues may stress us in ways that we night not be aware of.

Small things like a couple of bushes I recently planted in the front garden. They are dwarf blue spruce and they are supposed to be “deer resistant”. I don’t think that means that deer can’t or won’t eat them, but rather that they will only eat them in a pinch, like now, in the dead of winter. A couple of years ago I had tried to plant some Mugo Pine shrubs in the same location. They are not deer resistant. In fact, they should be labeled “Preferred Deer Snack”, as the very next morning after planting them, nary a piney needle was present on the sticks that jutted from the trampled ground. And so, I feared for my new shrubberies, and had vowed to myself, that I would properly protect them from the voracious snacking habits of our local, starving, mule deer population.

I went to the hardware store and purchased some rabbit fencing. I envisioned molding a barricade of metal around each shrub, making them impermeable to the foraging rascals. My resolve was strengthened by the fact that I have not seen a tulip in my garden grow higher than ¾ of an inch in over four years. As the fall rolled around, and my rabbit fencing remained in the garage, I would drive in each and every day, see my vulnerable shrubbery, and promise myself, that very, very, soon, I would take care of them. Day after day I made that self-same promise, and each day, failed to secure my shrubs.

In haste one day, I grabbed some netting that keeps birds off of things, and wrapped each bush in a healthy weave of said fabric. It grips the needles and branches, and I was sure, that any deer who tried to bite these plants, would end up with a mouthful of unpleasant nylon, not unlike getting a mouthful of wiry hair. This worked for some time. But each morning as I sat with my breakfast, I would gaze out the window, and “check-in” with my shrubs to see if they had made it through the night. And so they had, but for one morning, not long ago, when I saw the familiar assault of determined hooves. Broken limbs lay splayed on the ground, and murdered webbing was strewn about. Damn those donkey deer bastards!

I immediately, well, the next morning, awoke and gathered me some rabbit fencing. I promptly cut and shaped four cylinders of armor around them, and left the netting on for good, f-you measure. Sure enough, those MF’ers can’t get at them now! I would dance a dance of spazzy triumph, if they would stay long enough to watch, instead of bolting in panicked flight. I am so sure of their safety now, that I no longer feel the need to check in. I can eat my cereal in peace.

What matter of brain damage was this? How much valuable time did my mind occupy on these silly little bushes! If only I had taken care of the matter directly, I could have saved myself this minor nuisance. I agree that this is a small thing, but my question is, how many small things like this in our lives do we let go and let go until finally there is a catastrophe of sorts, and we have no choice but to finally deal with it?

It ultimately is about controlling our lives and setting boundaries. Escapists run to the mall or sleep with the pool boy (men who sleep with the pool boy, would be considered to have other issues in addition to burn-out ). They look to avoid confronting these stressors head on. To begin to identify what they are, their effect on our lives and what if anything can be done to mediate them, requires substantial amounts of thought and introspection. Running away doesn’t fix these issues, it just delays dealing with them. Many mid-lifers who start new businesses or relationships, end up with the same set of problems, because whatever patterns they have adopted in their lives related to control and self-awareness, will crop up again and again.


How many big issues and little issues are there that need taking care of before you can truly claim control over your life? It is important to align your values and your actions. Control is about balance and self-actualization...or realizing how you can live up to your full potential.  It is not about making the most money or having the highest career status, but rather living in a way that honors what you care most deeply about.  Sometimes figuring that out is the hardest part of all. 

I am very pleased now that my bushes will make it through the winter. Perhaps, generous applications of rabbit fencing and bird netting was all I really needed!