Boys Will be Boys

Photo by Kelsey e.

Louann Brizendine, MD, neuropsychologist and author, sheds light on what makes men tick in her new book, "The Male Brain" (2010 Three Rivers Press).  Her life's work has sought to break down the mysteries of the driving forces behind brain centered behaviors that are unique to the sexes.  Her first and best selling book "The Female Brain", shares the evolution of women from puberty and beyond, describing in great scientific detail what is happening within a woman to drive her behaviors at various points in her life.  (A great read for both men and women.)  When she began her journey into the male psyche, she writes "...nearly everyone I consulted made the same joke "That will be a short book!  Maybe even a pamphlet".  I admit when I told people the title of the book I was reading, the majority of people came up with the same one liner.

In truth, the book the Female Brain, is longer than the Male Brain, but not by much.  It turns out, from her extensive review of literature, that men are a little more complicated than we give them credit.  My motivation to read her book came from my inability to understand the perpetual motion and impulsiveness displayed by my five year old son.  I didn't grow up with brothers, so each stage of his life is a complete mystery to me.  I describe him as a simmering volcano, always on the verge of surprise eruptions of frenzied exploration and destruction.  It's as if he is driven into action without the ability to consider consequences.  Once he starts revving his engine towards an activity, it becomes nearly impossible to stop him. 

It was with relief that I read in The Male Brain, that his fascination with weaponry and motion is completely normal.  Young boys experience their world much more physically than girls and are driven by the addictive dopamine rush gained from anticipation and reward.  Apparently little boys work on building their sense of self by farting loudly, punching and rough housing, winning and displaying stereotypical manly behaviors.  Most of these behaviours, according to Brizendine, are hard wired in a boy's brain at birth, and whether or not we deprive them of boy toys, such as toy guns, they will find ways to make their own weapons and display stereotypical boy tendencies.  Just as with girls, the degree of "boyness" can vary depending on how things went neurochemically and developmentally in the womb. 

According to the author, at around 11 years of age, my poor son will be assaulted with a 20 fold increase in his testosterone level, and his mind and body will continue down the road towards mindless ass chasing!  Well, not in one shot, but over time, this will become the ever present thought in his mind, until his testosterone levels naturally begin to decline after 40.  Teen boys have learned from their fathers and peers to hide emotion, and develop an attitude of disinterest towards almost everything.  Dr. Brizendine writes "..it takes extraordinarily intense sensations..." to interest teenage boys.  Their "reward centers", as she puts it, become very hard to stimulate.  They become easily distracted from mundane tasks and seek out more thrilling activities, like video games or surfing porn, to perk their interest.  This would be the impetus for what I like to call "stupid boy games" that are characterized by moronic risk taking challenges men play out in their youth.  Most men I have known can describe at least one of these games they played with their peers that they are lucky to have survived. ( eg. playing chicken with lawn darts)  They go to bed later and sleep longer, become territorial, and much more sensitive to peer opinions than they ever would let on.  Sadly, they also intentionally begin to distance themselves from their mothers.

As men begin to seek out sexual partners, and for the commitment types, mates, their behaviour tends to become a little more single minded.  Men apparently, devote two and half times the amount of brain space to their sexual drive and are nearly constantly thinking about sex.  The anticipation of a conquered female, or  "a little strange" fires up the male reward center, and the chase becomes all consuming.  Men are more likely to say whatever it takes to get into a woman's pants, and that is a scientific fact!  Men know almost instantly if they are attracted to a woman and have virtually no control over their blatant appreciation of other women.  I frequently find myself coaching my husband on how to decrease the obviousness of his checking out of a woman's ass as she passes by.

So far, nothing too surprising.  I read some excerpts from the book to my husband to see if he could relate to Dr. Brizendine's conclusions.  One statement in particular struck him funny, as she described a man's strategy to control early ejaculation by "solving complicated math problems" while having sex.  He denied using strategies to prolong the moment.  He did put his foot in his mouth by basically telling me, since I was old news (aka. not a new conquest), some of the early excitement and anticipation was less, and the risk of prematurely ejaculating was reduced. 

Some other interesting facts included a man's tendency towards wanting to fix a problem rather than empathize with the woman experiencing it (the exact opposite response a woman is looking for).  Some men are genetically built for monogamy while others are less so.  Men are preoccupied with social hierarchy and aggressiveness builds when they feel threatened or diminished.  Sex reduces their blood pressure and cuddling isn't a priority because they are susceptible to something the author calls "postcoital narcolepsy" (falling asleep within moments of having sex...a natural hormonal phenom).  Men highly involved in parenting their children have lower testosterone levels.  As men continue to age, and their testosterone levels reduce further, they act more like woman...well, as close as they can ever hope to, and their relationships become deeper and more committed.

There are many more great tid-bits in this book, that have increased my understanding and appreciation for the men in my life.  I now praise my son when he farts as I know the importance of this to his developing sense of self and am making a conscious effort to be less critical of my husband.  My son burped loudly after breakfast this morning and I congratulated him on having produced the loudest burp I had heard him make to date.  He beamed with pride, but perhaps I took promoting his maleness too far, as he continued to burp repeatedly for the next 15 minutes, trying to outdo himself.

 http://www.amazon.com/Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine-M-D/dp/0767927532