Clitoral Management

Photo by CarbonNYC.

"Treat it like the Clitoris!", I admonish my husband as he roughly manhandles a fragile piece of furniture he is assembling.   I realize he is not following the manual...and is using more aggressive tools than seem appropriate.

"Shit!" he exclaims, as he drives a screw in sideways, fracturing the delicate wood.  This will be another "Jerry Rigging" assembly job, patches and fixes employed before the object has ever fully come to life.

"Hmmm", I mumble, my face blanketed by an "I told you so" expression.  "Clitoris", I whisper, softly, making a gentle double mouse-click gesture to emphasize the point.

Treating something like the Clitoris is a way I typically emphasize the need to exercise gentleness when handling situations that require increased sensitivity.  He relates to this instruction due to the "sit on my knee" discussion we once had, early in our relationship, after he had numbed my lady bits with furious stimulation.  He, like many misguided blokes, mistook my apprehensive twitching, for pleasurable reactions.  To be fair, he is not the only man who has seemed at a loss for how to respectfully handle a woman's pleasure hub.  Most men approach it over zealously, much like they might attack a spot in the carpet they are trying to remove.

It is commonly held that we touch each other in a manner we prefer to be touched ourselves.  Based upon this assumption, I have surmised over the years that men must like their penises slapped silly!  I imagine myself, foot wedged upon navel, donning a set of work gloves (to protect against blistering), firmly clasping his male member, as I might a very stubborn and woody weed, grabbing and yanking and pulling until the damn thing comes!  (I get exhausted just thinking about it!)

Early in a sexual relationship, I keenly assess a new lover's general "touch" ability, monitoring for signs of excessive aggression or more desirably, an intuitive silky touch.  If he demonstrates a blind, infuriated groping, I would inwardly cringe when he reached towards my nether regions, fearful for the beating my clitoris was about to be subjected to.  My defenses would immediately trigger, and I would begin to swivel my hips away from his clumsy hands...doing anything to distract him and lead him in a different direction.  "I really get off when you fondle my knee caps!"  I would pant desperately. My mind, reluctantly yanked from sexual revere,  would be thwarted in her pleasurable meanderings, by the need to focus on self preservation.  The odds of me climaxing, despite his most ardor fueled efforts, and persistent manipulation, would move towards zero.

So let's talk frankly about our mutual friend, the Clitoris.  She is an enigma.  At once fleshy and proud, her true self is shy and hidden, preferring her nestled home behind lush, shock absorbing vulvular walls who serve to shelter her from excessive prodding (such as from relentless pounding, super-sonic vibrations, pinching or twisting).  She is twice as sensitive as the penis and inhabited by 8000 nerve endings, more than any other human body part. (See the book, Woman, by Natalie Angier)  (One might imagine that were a blind woman to learn to read Braille with her Clitoris,  it would be comparable to a sighted woman being able to see in the dark!)

Often unappreciated by the unevolved male, the Clitoris can be so sensitive that overly direct stimulation can be uncomfortable.  According to Angier (whose book is a fabulous dissection of the female body), many women tolerate more generalized attention, that is inclusive of the entire pubic mound.  The nervous system tends to modulate sensitivity based upon stimuli, and in instances of over stimulation, it will raise the threshold for feeling, essentially rendering the innocent Clit, numbed and unfeeling.  

Gentle, variety laden play, will yield much more effective results than outright poking.  You must foster trust in touch, which leads to relaxation and sexual openness.  The goal is to touch in such as way as to not distract your partner, as most women require a cerebral connection to orgasm.  If she is distracted, it will be more difficult for her to climax.  Think, trying to fall asleep in a room where every so often someone walks in and screams shrilly.  Not only will you not fall asleep, you will become inpatient and irritated.  If you go too far in your ministrations, you won't be able to pull her back, and she may very well check out of love making.

During intercourse, some amount of clitoral stimulation is often necessary for a woman to climax.  Woman who are most successful in achieving climax, including the coveted multiple orgasm, according to Angier, are fully aware of the best ways to position themselves in relation to a partner for maximal, and appropriate stimulation (girl-on-top is a favorite of these lusty mavens).  Those less likely to climax, she writes, often rely silently on their partners to practice mind reading and demonstrate masterful sexual skill.  

Sadly, many women are as ignorant about the preferences of their Clitoris as their clumsy lovers (also the name of a fun, Canadian, bluegrass band), having never explored possibilities or scenarios to seek out orgasm.  Often guilted into believing that self pleasure is shameful, these women may pass through life never experiencing the mighty "O".  If you are such a woman, please, do yourself a favor and start touching yourself right now! (unless, of course, you are at work).  To be successful, you must guide your mind into desiring the touch...not rejecting it.   Follow the sensation like an itch being delightfully scratched, and let it take over. It will gradually build to a point that you cannot, nor would you want to, back away from it, and soon you will find yourself tumbling and fully absorbed in the warm, pulsing pleasure of your body.  (What an awesome gift!)  If you become overly analytical, you will end up frustrated, and climax will remain elusive.  Let me state emphatically, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TOUCHING YOURSELF!   I would even suggest you bring self-touch to the sex act, most especially if your lover proves incompetent or you can't figure out how to get enough stimulation.

So you Clitoral thugs, BACK OFF!  Ask for directions for once in your life, and rely on the expert lying in bed next to you.  Mastering the mystery of this precious gem is time well invested, as it will pay dividends towards your own pleasure, motivating your partner to seek you out more often to help guide her to the summit.  Fail to, and she will turn to a trusty vibrator, and her back towards you!