"...self-consciousness is the enemy of "interestingness". Malcom Gladwell
(When you write a blog about so many taboo topics, it is easy to get self conscious- especially when people you know are reading. Personally, I find myself editing what I write...worried about what so-and-so might think of me next time we meet in the produce aisle of the local grocery store. "Hey you! Yeah you! Over there by the broccoli! Fuck you if you can't take a joke!" ) |
| Photo by Mycael. |
But alas, I am silent...cerebral- crickets chirp in the corner of the bed room. I breathe a little heavy, and for the sole purpose of rewarding an exceptional maneuver, I will emit a quiet moan of appreciation on occasion and certainly speak up during the finale. But I don't wail or squawk or pant uncontrollably, "Yeeah! Yeeah! Yeeah!" (spoken in the same tone as a cocktail pandering waitress in Vegas "Cawktailllls??") The fact that I am silent makes me even more self conscious!
I have often wondered what noise making experiences my husband or other, pre-marital sexual partners had with prior, surely more vociferous women. I know vaguely that there have been some raucous specimens. Just like the yelping mavens in porn flicks, these noisy bitches have set an unrealistic vocal bar for us strong, silent types to live up to. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Now they expect all of us to act up in the sack!
Well my friends, they have studied this and what they found suggests that the fairer, and oft louder sex, is indeed, acting! In a recent study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers concluded that women's vocalizations in the sack were not involuntary and were indeed cleverly staged to influence their lover towards getting to the long lost point...if you catch my meaning. In fact, they found very little association between a woman moaning and groaning and her climax or to the performance of her partner. The researchers described this use of verbal exclamatories as "tactical use of copulatory vocalizations". Hah! I am not a cold fish after all!
So quoteth the researchers, "This manoeuvring of male behavior not only ensures the delivery of his ejaculate but may also serve to end male copulatory effort under circumstances when the female is, for example, suffering discomfort or pain, boredom, fatigue, or simply does not have enough time for the encounter to last longer [I believe that is the premise of most porn films]. Females appear to be fully conscious of the positive effects that their copulatory vocalizations have on male self-esteem and a very high percentage reported using them for this purpose." How romantic! Loudness is an adaptation of our understanding of the male's constant need for praise and a way for us to get him to finish up more quickly! (Sting's wife must be a siren!)
My early sexual experiences were all about performance. I tried to emulate what I thought I was supposed to do during sex. I acted in a way that I thought made me sexy, more appealing...hot, daring. "Fuck me big boy! Oh yeah! Harder!" All that bullshit did was stop me from climaxing! I was so busy cuing up the next line, I couldn't focus on my own agenda. The guys liked it...again believing that my Oscar worthy performance was an indication of their sexual prowess...where in reality it might nearly have been the opposite. (My apologies to their future sexual partners...I falsely led them to believe there 160 RPM pounding was pleasurable- and so it continues....)
Might we say then, that the louder a women is in the rack, the potentially worse the sex is? Perhaps men ought to take offence when their woman screams...realizing she is just trying to get it over with...I'm just saying. Many a male ego would collapse under such an assumption. Best to keep this one under wraps, lest they become self-conscious. Perhaps for a man of assumed superior sexual prowess he should looked for stunned, zoned-out silence rather than hyena-like squelching?
From a survival standpoint, when we were monkeys let's say, the sooner a women piped up, the sooner her primate lover delivered, and she could move on to more important things like foraging or picking lice off her BFF. She might even have been able to move on to another partner... Regardless, I realize that sex for us evolved types is less about "receiving ejaculate" and more about pleasure...and so we can let go of the assumption that cheer leading in the rack is a requirement to be considered a good sexual partner.
Vocalizations I have considered using, which I realize would do the opposite of expediting the climax or building self-esteem, might be things like, "Hey big boy! Keep that up and I might lose a filling!" or "What have I done to anger you so?" and " Now that we know what not to do, let's move on!"
"...conscience does makes cowards of us all!" Shakespeare
2 comments:
First of all, love the naughty gummies. The red one is definitely a girl, using props.
Next - Crickets...could be good if you were camping. But...'F me big boy'? Did you really say that? Out Loud? Huh. You're brave.
Next time (in the sack) try some animal sounds. There are lots to choose from. Think of them now. A good 'baaaa' at the right moment really cracks me up. -D
A Man's Perspective...
Upon hearing a recap of your blog, particularly that you "tried to emulate what (you) thought (you were) supposed to do during sex", my husband wondered where you got your early information. Sounds like she watched a few pornos, I said. Certainly not from reading Pride and Prejudice, he said.
He also commented that men are, indeed, able to discern the difference between a feigned "ahh" and a true gasp of pleasure, though both cause similar involuntary physical reactions.
For instance, he said, when people are enjoying a particularly good meal, they tend to fall silent - whereas you can talk all the way through a so-so meal. So, back in bed now, while vocalizations are welcome, he says that silences are good, too.
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