Fifty Shades of...What the Fuck??!!

Photo by arhadetruit.

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that I am on the third book in the racy trilogy, Fifty Shades of Grey, by stay at home mom and apparent closet horn-dog, E L. James.  A New York times best selling series in the genre female erotica, or as I like to call it porn, this book has sold over 10 million copies world wide and is spicing up the stagnant sex lives of married women everywhere (including yours truly)!


There are so many glorious, pounding sex scenes, I find myself reading it with my legs crossed!  I initially began reading this series for research (seriously...I mean that) into what about this writing captivates people so much so that they are unable to put it down.  After all, that is a great accomplishment for a writer, and I would like to emulate that.  I discovered little with regards to writing style, as in these novels, it is pretty simplistic and oft repetitive.  Rather, I think, it has more to do with keeping the reader uncomfortably curious about what exactly sex God Christian Grey is going to do next to, naive and innocent Miss. Steele. (Will he spank her...hard?  Will he use some odd toy or restraining device?  Will she let him in the back door?)  Incidentally, the reader needn't wait very long for gratification, as there is a different, hot, sex scene virtually every third paragraph!


These books make the 1973 Erica Jong book, Fear of Flying, look like Sunday School reading! (My mom had Fear of Flying when I was growing up, and I remember sneaking peaks at the "dirty parts" when my she wasn't looking). This book is so provocatively explicit I put a password on my kindle, lest my young daughter accidentally discover what a "flogger" is.  These are also books I dare not recommend to people (totally READ them!) lest they question my moral character (seriously...read these books!) (What an awesome book club book selection they would make!  My GOD the possibility that someone will be offended is guaranteed!)


The popularity of such over-the-top, uber-risque books, makes me question how far we have come culturally, in so far as we have apparently embraced pornography as literature.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing?  Don't get me wrong, I am no prude! (My husband told me the other evening he was going to make me read the books again when I finished them in order to keep my heightened libido lit up, fueled by these deliciously raunchy books.) I am not sure what level of X rated material comes after this series as we progressively loosen the boundaries of our moral tolerance.  I imagine myself transported to the sexually repressed mid 50's, the edgy Fifty Shades series in hand...I am sure I would be summarily lynched, even as I shouted "First Amendment!  First Amendment!".   


I have made if very clear throughout my blog, that I think that porn in it's purest, bad movie form, is a horrible place to teach us a) how to have sex and b) what to expect when we do, and these books are no exception.  This series is pure fantasy...and I think one of the reasons for it's great success is the commonality of these fantasies, for both men and women.  The male protagonist is super fit, hot, loaded, successful, young, mysterious and a master in the rack...not to mention into S&M in a big bad way.  He is so magically sexually skilled...not to mention well endowed and perpetually erect...that he is able to play the young virginal, woman's body like an instrument...pleasuring her skillfully, constantly and at mega wattage intensity.  She has orgasms it seems just by looking into his eyes!  He reads her mind, loves and adores her to near insanity and she, my friends, is so amazing she can change him!  


The female lead has never had bad breath or been "not-so-fresh".  She has never walked out of a room covering her ass or worrying about her body in any manner.  She is, at her first sexual encounter, completely uninhibited.  Neither has any physical flaws.  At no time has either of them claimed a head ache or said "no".  In lieu of talking, they "fuck" as Mr. Grey likes to say, in reference to their constant, creative, accessorized sex.  Furious, slamming sex is interspersed with slow "love-making" with equal effectiveness.  Explosive orgasms are had by all...they are never interrupted and they never tire of each other.  No body is chafed or sore long enough to put a hold on a session...they happen one after the other, near constantly. She is flip-able, lift-able and bendable, despite never having worked out a day in her life.


She is an instant master of the blow job whilst his oral skill is extraordinary, and they both LOVE going down on each other at every opportunity.  Despite never having had sex before, she is keen on Benoit balls, spanking and bondage without trepidation.  He yanks her by the hair, holds her down and she LOVES it.  He has no qualms with period sex, even helpfully extracting some feminine protection just prior to another ultra passionate, orgasm fest!  Their spark is electric and forever.  And shockingly, they are making this into a MOVIE!


Phew!  I just had to cross my legs again!  Despite it's loose basis in reality, this book does evoke increased horniness in those who read it.  It makes one reconnect to their own sexual reality I think, in a way that brings appreciation back to the things we do in the privacy of our own bedrooms, that maybe have become routine.  Speaking of that...I need to wrap this up...and head back home so I can finish the third book.  I have big plans for my hubby tonight!