Go the F&$k to Sleep!

Photo by tempophage.

I know I am not the first parent to lose their shit over a child that will not, no matter what you try, close their eyes and go the f&%$ to sleep.  After  the 750th failed attempt this evening, I let out a guttural howl of frustration, that literally shook my daughter's fancy clock from her wall.  As it came crashing to the ground, and the echo of my primordial death scream faded, my daughter looked at me in horror, and burst into tears.  My son, made a bee line for his bed and jumped under the covers.  Why does it have to resort to this for them to finally go to sleep?  Moments later I feel like the worst mother ever, but guess what?  Within moments of my losing it, they have finally fallen the f%$k to sleep!!!!

I try everything I have read about:  the soothing bed time routine, tickles, cuddles, tuck-ins, loving words, more check-ins, this time every 5 minutes, more cuddles, back scratches, bribery for cash and prizes, massage, sleep reward charts, threats, logic, discussion, monster clearing dances, monster spray, fixing the nightmare pillow, talking for her ninja stuffed animals who will be awake all night protecting her, more threats, until I can't take it any more and I freak out.   This has been going on intermittently for the last nine years.  We have some good nights, some bad nights, and sometimes strings of bad nights in a row.  My husband hates bed time he is so taxed by the constant delay tactics our kids employ.

My sister on a recent trip, shared this lovely story with me.  So for all of you parents out there who have lost their shit, over the never-ending bed time routine, please enjoy the following video, as Lawrence Fishburn narrates the acclaimed parent bed time story: "Go the Fuck to Sleep!",  written by Adam Mansbach.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW0A6L9kx4c