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| Photo by Josh Semans (really!) |
During the early courtship phase our bodies are inundated with a potent cocktail of hormones that creates the addictive rush of early passion. Empowered by this intoxicating blend, each partner becomes “their most expansive selves”, according to psychotherapist, Maria Tafuri. “Couples are on their best behavior, including their best sexual behavior”. A man is more apt to be romantic and talk about his feelings whereas a woman will put forth her best sexual effort in hopes of securing her mate. It becomes a bedroom talent contest with each partner open to trying anything and everything as long as it will advance them towards their goal of being the chosen one.
As the relationship matures, this love cocktail begins to fade, lasting on average only 18 months. After this period of time both partners return to their true selves often an unrecognizable version of the early couple. Reality seeps into the relationship. The turbo boost of lustful chemicals may be gone forever but it doesn’t mean that couples can’t enjoy passionate, adventurous sex or that a man will never get another blow job. There are ways for couples to stay sexually connected and ways for men to roll out the welcome mat for more sex, specifically, oral sex. It should be noted that not every woman is interested in providing fellatio and that position should be respected.
A willing group of women were invited to the BJ Panel, the purpose of which was to explore reasons why women avoid giving head. From all walks of life, sexual orientation and professional background, these women (with a few bottles of wine, aptly named “Swallow” and “Purple Cowboy”) giddily discussed the issue of blow jobs. As much as men like getting blow jobs, women like talking about them! Husbands, learning what their wives were up to, eagerly volunteered to watch the kids and encouraged their participation, in hopes that their wives’ desire to spend more time below the belt, would be reawakened. From this evening of wine and dirty talk a list of the top 5 things a man can do to entice his partner to head south was created.
1. Hot For Teacher!
Unless your wife is a paid professional, she comes to the proverbial “blow job table” with very little experience or skill. The BJ Panel agreed that porn was an inadequate and unreal teaching medium (that applies to learning what women like too). Most women had rarely talked about felating skills with anyone before, including their sexual partners. “When I first heard the term, I thought it literally meant to blow on the penis,” one member stated. Most women in the panel report learning their skills on the fly (no pun intended) and hoping for some reaction from their partners to guide them. Teaching her what does or does not feel good is the surest way to get what you want. Otherwise your partners are guessing and feeling insecure about their performance.
Many women will gain a sense of power by being able to drive their men wild. One panel member used to love giving her partner blow jobs because she was told she was amazing at it. Her husband began to critique her which destroyed her confidence. Once this happened she lost her mojo and he stopped getting blow jobs. When you offer feedback, deliver it carefully and with consideration of the incredible sexual gift she is giving you!
Most men like their happy endings to include the full swallow. Women of the panel were mixed on this topic. This is a very personal preference for most women and likely one that cannot be changed. Forcing, coercing or tricking her into swallowing will not be well received and likely break trust.
2. Clean! Baby! Clean!
Some in the BJ Panel thought this helpful hint could have taken up all 5 spots. Mamma always told us “Don’t put that in your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been!” Most women felt they would be more likely to give a blow job right after a thorough shower (front door and back door please!), while others felt doing it in the shower more appealing. Manscaping or pubic hair management was not something necessary for the panel unless there was a preference for ball action.
3. Wash the Dishes
“Men have sex to relax, while women need to relax to have sex”, one member of the group shared from a professional presentation she had given. Something as simple as doing the dishes now and then would make several women on the panel more inclined to proffer head.
“When a women’s mind is fettered with a list of things she has to do and when she feels unsupported in those things, her mind cannot relax enough to get into the mood”, the panelists shared. One woman told the story of a friend whose husband had done a very simple but
incredibly thoughtful thing for her. Her friend’s reaction was that her husband was “…definitely getting a blow job tonight!”
Men need to realize that creating the mood is more than shoving their penises in their partner’s faces or tapping her on the shoulder. Begin way before the act. If she gets the suspicion that actions are done solely because a blow job is desired, it won’t work. It has to be sincere. Talking, touching, and connecting with her emotionally, will score huge “deserves a blow job” points.
4. Keep Your Hands Off My Head!
The “Head Tug-O-War” became a comical episode on the hit series Sex in the City. Every woman in the panel had had one or more experiences with her partner grabbing her head and directing her towards his nether region. This often resulted in a power struggle with her pushing back!
Pushing your lovers head towards your groin or pulling her head towards you for deeper oral penetration are moves that will often guarantee that this will be your last blow job. Most women report this is a huge turn off. There is a balance of control in relationships and these maneuvers can make a woman feel that they are being used. Each partner
needs to determine when they are ready to head downtown or how deeply they can comfortably take it into their mouths without gagging. Letting the “blower” direct the show is the best call in this situation.
5. Give and Ye Shall Receive
Like Charlotte in Sex in the City, many women will give head because they know it will entice their partners to reciprocate. Men who ask for this service but are unwilling to perform it on their partners are sending a message that something about their partner’s body is unattractive. If a woman is insecure about her body, she will feel less sexy and be less apt to be adventurous in the sack. When a man shows a woman he loves going down on her, you can bet she will start to love going down on him.
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