 |
| Photo by nostalgia.2009 |
In the blog, Object to Ugly, I discussed a phenomenon called “Objectification”. In short it is the increased importance placed on the external appearance, often with comparison to a perceived ideal of attractiveness, created from the cumulative experiences and messages received throughout one’s life. When we look in the mirror, we essentially wonder “What will other’s think I look like?” and on a deeper level, “What do I think I look like?” (compared to what I think I should or wished I did look like).
There are certain aspects of our appearance that are beyond our control, many attributed to chance inheritance from our parents. If you have curly hair and hate it, if you are 5’1” and want to be 5’8”, or if you have dangerous hips, that with the slightest weight gain, will explode into monsters, thank your parents. I have my personal body enemies, and until I see myself in pictures or stand next to much smaller people, I don’t even see them. The first time I realized I was overweight came when I looked at my sister’s wedding photos (I was in the wedding party). I was horrified! Who was this woman in the photos? In my mind’s eye I see myself as I once was…thin, athletic and young. What I see now is overweight, soft, and middle aged. Looking in the mirror at developing wrinkles and sagging parts make these day to day comparisons that I make to who I used to be, a daily beating of my self esteem.
Where can I find the strength to embrace who I am and stop comparing myself to yesterday or to an ideal that I can’t possibly achieve? Until my early 20’s I was never even aware of my weight or size. I feel on a relative scale, that is pretty late in life for a woman to start worrying about how she looks. A friend recently told me that her 8 year old daughter has begun comparing herself to her thinner classmates and wondering what she can do to look more like them.
Is this innate or learned behavior? Do we instinctively strive to be attractive to assure ourselves of scoring the best mate we can or do we learn that there is always a better way for us to look through cultural conditioning? I am amazed at things like boob jobs. I find it hard to imagine that one’s self esteem can hang on the size of one’s breasts, or that a man truly will find the same woman more appealing as a C cup versus a B. This is sort of like a Seinfeld episode relationship I once had with a guy who felt he couldn’t date me anymore because my teeth were too yellow. I asked him, “What if I promise not to smile?”
A saleswoman once told a friend and I, whilst we shopped in her store, “We don’t have many clothes here for pear shaped woman.” What the hell does a pear shaped woman look like? Was being a pear a bad thing? Her tone suggested I would have to seek out a more pear friendly store were I to be successful in finding clothing that fit me. Did I have other fruit choices? Could she perhaps have been mistaken, and might I in fact be a banana? As I try and embrace my body and find confidence within it, I thought it necessary to find out exactly what body shapes were out there, and if indeed I am a pear.
There is one classification of body types I am familiar with. There are three body frame types that are used in this classification, and they are ectomorphic, mesomorphic and endomorphic. Ectomorphs are super thin and lean, with small bone structure. Mesomorphs have larger bone structure, broad shoulders and are muscular. Endomorphs have larger body types, with big bone structure and often times are overweight. It is pretty simple to classify my body type within this construct. It is also apparent from the way that these classifications are defined, that these factors are purely genetic. No amount of aerobic workouts will make my bone structure shrink. I will never be a size 2 because I am not an ectomorph. I am a mild mannered mesomorph, who has briefly moved in and out of endomorph territory.
Fruit and random object classification go further than these three subtypes. Various sources discuss body types, and most help you use this information to buy the most flattering style of clothing. A pear, for example, is someone who is small up top (narrow shoulders, small breasts), but has full hips and thighs (often the site of weight gain). I now know the incompetent saleslady was mistaken. I am not a pear.
My shoulders are not narrow and my weight is gained throughout my body. This in fact makes me a cross between an apple and an hourglass! An apple has broader shoulders and chest, with the upper body being slightly larger than the lower body. I feel I am not quiet fully apple-ish and so include the hourglass, which is characterized by a balanced top and bottom, with a defined waist. I don’t give myself this classification fully either as my waist is not clearly defined at this time in my life. My waist disappeared after pregnancy, and I have been searching for it ever since. Other classifications include rectangle (stick legs, flat backside, short waist, large rib cage). You can be an inverted triangle, a diamond or a full rounded figure. Bananas don’t make the list.
Armed with this information, I seek to remedy my misguided expectations of how I think I am supposed to look, and search for acceptance in how I actually look. Glancing in the mirror I come to grips with the fact that I am an apple-shaped, hourglass, mesomorph, and begin to find peace. I will never be the ectomorphic, slim/athletic, hourglass I dream of being! It is physically impossible. Best case scenario, I can drop the apple and just be a mesomorphic hourglass. Worst case, I wind up an endomorph with pear-like rectangular features. Time will tell how things shape up.
No comments:
Post a Comment