First Kisses

I miss kissing. Not a peck on the cheek or a quick kiss in passing, but real, deep, passionate kissing. I miss the anticipation of the first kiss…when the attraction and sexual tension are building in a new relationship, before that line of intimacy has been crossed, before anyone has been touched. I can recall some amazing first kisses…passionate and thrilling, all consuming, complete with head grabbing, hair mussing, full on lip locks. You know those times, when you can’t get close enough and the need to kiss is all you can think about. Your body feels the electricity of the slightest touch and every nerve ending resonates with want of more. You will do anything and everything, your energy to resist stripped away.

I am long married now, and we don’t kiss that way anymore. There is still desire, but for some reason passionate kisses have long disappeared from our partnership. For women, kissing is one of the most important ways that a partner can demonstrate affection and desire. Its’ lack in a relationship is a significant loss of this form of intimacy. It therefore has become my biggest fantasy…having those moments back again. These fantasies seldom lead to sex…they stop at the first kiss…just far enough to feel that feeling again, to be wanted and to want right back. I think if I were ever single again I would gorge myself on first kisses…breaking off these affairs the moment that “moment” had passed.

I believe you can tell a lot about a person by the way they kiss. I used to announce this prior to the first kiss, in hopes that I would encourage “their best work”. Some kissers were oddly disappointing- hot guy, crappy kiss. One fellow thought aggressive lip sucking to be desirable and sucked my lips so hard I could feel my lips swelling and getting puffy. By the end of the date I lisped, “Thankspth I hadth a greathpt timepth”.

I once had a wonderful make-out buddy in college. Every evening would end with a first kiss moment. We didn’t date, but were good friends. We would go out clubbing all night and by the end of it we would be snagging action on the dance floor. We always knew it was coming, and that added to the anticipation…who would kiss first and when would it happen.

There are the soft lipped kissers…not so passionate…kind of feels like kissing a brother or relative. Hard to get super passionate when the lips melt away under the slightest pressure. There are the tongue invaders who force their ram rod stiff tongue as far into your mouth as they can. With these kissers I found myself turning away at the moment of lip lock to avoid this intrusion. I imagine a great French kiss as a tease…soft, with a little thrill from the touch of tongues, surprising and erotic.

There are the sloppy, wet kissers. I remember early make out sessions when none of us knew what we were doing, that would end with drool rolling down our faces. We didn’t pull away to dry off, because we thought that was the way it was supposed to be. I guess we kissed so long, hours on end it seemed, that we neglected to swallow.

Great kissers are the rarest kind. When your lips meet with a great kisser, you know instantly that you have found a kindred kiss spirit. One of my greatest first kisses came from a friend who I believe was intuitively aware of the first kiss anticipation. I was so desperately attracted to him, but that line from friendship to something more had not been crossed. We were spending more and more time together, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We were out late one evening and sitting in my car, saying our usual goodbyes. I was using every subtle trick I had to keep him in the car. Finally, as the tensioned mounted, he leaned over to me, and very slowly kissed my forehead, then my right cheek, then my left. Slowly, so close I could feel his breath move along my face, he kissed my mouth. He paused there only for a moment, drawing slightly away, inviting my reaction. I leaned into him, and we locked into an amazing, passionate kiss. He told me it was my choice if I wanted to stay with him that night. Needless to say, I did not go home that evening.

The kind of kiss a man gives you can also tell you what kind of lover he will be. The best kissers have been the best lovers. It is sort of like dancing, if a man can dance, chances are you will have some great sex. On the other hand if he dances erratically and out of rhythm, lovemaking will probably be a lot like that too. I used to enjoy sitting at bars with girlfriends, checking out guys on the dance floor, and describing how he might have sex based solely upon his dancing ability. If kisses are impatient, sloppy, or wimpy, likely that’s what you will get in bed. I might suggest asking him to dance before you kiss him, as the first step in the “What kind of lover are you?” screening. If he passes the dance off, give him a kiss opportunity.

I am not sure you can recapture the first kiss feeling in a long term relationship. Passion and intimacy transform somewhat with the comfortable rhythms of our lives. Our love is mature and solid, we know what to expect, what the other wants, and our needs are met. I sometimes tell my husband, “Let’s pretend we are on a first date!” Remember when we were courting? We were adventurous and giving and trying to do “our best work”. Sometimes we find the energy to “bring it”…and sometimes we settle for that more comfortable version of ourselves we have become. There is nothing wrong with comfort and security…but man, I would love to kiss him for the first time again...