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| Photo by Bradleygee. |
I'm standing at the cash register, paying for my latte, and the inner battle begins once again. For as many times as I have purchased my frothy daily indulgence, you would think that I would have decided upon a tipping rule that I could confidently execute, one that leaves me neither feeling economically plundered nor like an obnoxious cheapskate.
How much should I tip? Is there a percentage that is acceptable? I have to consider that the barista is always very nice. She knows my "regular" drink and often has it ready before I even walk in. She is about to hand me my change, and I need to make a decision! I eye the tip jar, which is packed with dollar bills, and I know, as a member of the sheep-like human race, my very existence a reflection of the social norms that surround me, that the message here is "TIP ONE DOLLAR!"
The tip jar is cleverly disguised peer pressure. It advertises that every other sophisticated caffeine officianado is tipping a dollar per java. This benign looking little jar is meant to provide me with obvious social instructions. Tip jars are clear for a reason, after all. "This is how much you should tip!" they scream, "Unless, of course, you suck."
In one study that looked at the effect of a pre-populated tip jar, researchers found that if a $5.00 bill were planted in the jar at the beginning of the day...people would generally tip more and often match the $5.00! Morons! A 100% tip? That is the cost of an entire beverage! But alas, we are weak and easily manipulated by our desperate need to do what everyone else is doing!
The barista is passing me my change and my eyes remain fixed upon jar. This particular jar is so full of dollar bills, that I am sure they have had to compact it several times that day to prevent it from overflowing. In a panic, I begin to do some math in my head. My chai latte costs $3.96. My forthcoming change will be $1.04. How much do I tip? Were I to tip the full amount, it would be equivalent to a 25% tip. (More than I tip in a restaurant or bar). If I tip the four cents, I will appear cheap, especially since there are mostly bills in the jar. What SOB gives coins? Nickles? Pennies? Quarters, maybe. If I tip the dollar, but pocket the four cents, I look even cheaper. Who keeps pennies, right?
If I'm lucky, I have some change in my wallet, like maybe 50 cents ( a 15% tip). I can pocket the dollar four, and slam some coins into the jar so everyone can hear that I HAVE TIPPED! I AM NOT CHEAP! I FOLLOWED THE RULES!
Some might draw the conclusion that the very fact that I worry about this makes me cheap. It's only a dollar, after all. I admit, however, that I am unwilling to turn my $3.96 latte, into a $5.00 latte. Tipping a dollar for every latte I buy, at my current rate of latte consumption, works out to a whopping $260.00 bucks a year! If I were to invest that, by the time I were 65 years old, all of those tips would be worth $8 million dollars! (Well maybe not that much, but it's still a lot, right?)
At some coffee shops they don't even have tip jars, and I find that experience so much more relaxing!
I recently asked a restaurateur what his thoughts were, and he confidently stated that tipping the change was appropriate. I clarified, "What if the change is only a nickel?" He repeated, "Tip the change". In his thinking, there will be times that the change will be more than that and over time, the tipping percentage will average out.
Unlike waiters and bartenders, baristas are not paid a minimum hourly rate in lieu of gratuities. Baristas are paid more per hour and are not as reliant on tips to make up their wages. Sure, making an infinite variety of annoying coffee concoctions seems like a huge pain in the ass to me, but I am not actually being waited upon, nor am I seated comfortably ordering up my beverage, and I am not sure that steaming milk justifies the 20% minimum tip percentage that a waiter or waitress might earn on a similar tab. With this rationale, one dollar appears to be excessive tippage.
Why are there so many dollar bills in that dam jar then? Aren't people paying attention, or do they just have less attachment to their hard earned money than I do? Is the price written in neon on the chalk board on the wall just a lie? I want a $3.96 latte damn you! I wouldn't buy a $5.00 latte, that would be a rip off!
The barista hands me my change. I pause with uncertainty, time stands still, and I can hear my heart beat in my ears. The tip jar is calling to me, insistent as it's invisible plastic hands reach upwards toward my money. I watch in horror as my hand, almost as if of it's own volition, reaches down and stuffs the dollar bill into the jar.
Dammit! How did that happen? I AM weak. My head drops, my face slackens. My empty hand hovers, trembling over the tip jar. I have been defeated, claimed by this false social construct. Deflated, I pick up my latte and turn to leave. I suppose I should take comfort in knowing that the barista is happy...that is if she even noticed I gave her a dollar... and for sure she knows that I don't suck. I can't help but wonder then why, as I walk out the door, my $5.00 latte in hand, am I certain I do?
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| Photo by Donkeyhotey. |
The new year stretches before me like an empty, primed canvas. Virginal, untainted, limitless possibility. I can paint the portrait of this new year any way I choose. Sky is the limit! As I begin to lean towards my future however, I feel the insistent pull of my past, the baggage from last year, clinging to me, determined to accompany me across the threshold of 2013, it's grubby paws eager to dirty my future with more of the same. How can I create a new beginning while burdened with the weight of my past? Can I let go of my personal narrative, imprinted like a soul-tattoo, with all of it's self limiting conspiracies?
The message of the New Year's resolution is that we are deficient. There is pressure to live better in the new year, to transform into an improved version of ourselves. We are motivated to become self critical, perhaps even to face the truth that we failed to improve what we had set out to the year before. Overweight? (Still?) Weak! Pathetic! Improve damn you! Change! Commit! Suddenly, we are caught off guard by how quickly the new year arrives, so much left undone. We are out of time, resolutions unfulfilled, habits unchanged and muffin tops left to blossom.
As luck would have it, the New Year provides us with an annual "Do-Over", an endless supply of second chances to set things right. 2012 was not the greatest year. In fact, I will admit that it was one of the worst. Aside from all of the social, economic, natural and cultural catastrophes that plagued this unfortunate year, for me personally, I awoke one day to find myself living the life of a stranger (sadly, not an attractive stranger). Many of the known conditions and comforts that had blanketed my life with predictability and security were ripped away last year, leaving the barest roots of my world naked and exposed. Each day has become an unknown. There is fear in that, but there is also possibility.
Throughout this tumult, I had begun a meaningful journey to transform myself, my priorities, my relationships, to redefine who I am in this world. There is nothing wrong with me, dammit! (She doth protest too much) Ironically, I embarked upon this journey at the exact moment I needed these skills the most. My self perceptions and personal values have been challenged as never before in my adult life, and I was launched towards a re-evaluation of my choices and, inevitably, towards deciding what I want my future to look like. Would it look like my past or would I invent something entirely different?
I suppose it boils down to what I value most at this point in my life. My family? Yes. My husband? Maybe. Marriage is not a blinded commitment, once made, no longer looked upon. I think it's healthy to examine where we are together. (Plus it keeps him on his toes) Have we lived up to each other's expectations? Will my future still be better with him? What about work? Am I spending my days doing something that inspires me or merely something that serves me financially? Perhaps I have enslaved myself to a lifestyle that does not reflect my values. Am I wasting time, that precious and limited commodity? Because, whether I like it or not, it is passing.
Have I kept my word to myself or let emotional patterns steer me? (I vote the latter) I see this area of reflection as my biggest failure of last year and, sadly, the biggest failure in many of the preceding years. Failing to keep the commitments I have made to myself is the most effortless thing I do. It's simple. My rationalizations are so well rehearsed, I barely attend to their constant dialogue. I have failed to create consequences for letting myself down as, for some reason, I don't hold myself accountable. (If I'm not, then who is?) I grow exhausted trying to live up to the expectations I have for myself as I find that I have only limited endurance for self improvement. (Just give me a brownie already and I really just have to say it... Fuck!)
At the risk of sounding selfish, I think my new year will be best served if I resolve to make the commitments I make to myself my priority next year. Often these vows are the very cliche resolutions proclaimed every year, whose potential for success are limited by the failure to honor the word we have given to ourselves. Why should we feel guiltless when we break the promises we've made to ourselves? Do we hold ourselves in such low regard?
Rather than continuing to haphazardly finger-paint my future, I shall instead, strive to create a masterpiece, painting myself as the focal point and letting the rest fill itself in for a change. Bring it on 2013! I'm a comin'! (Just give me a moment to throw these old bags out the window!)
