Guilt

Photo by taberandrew.

Whew!  I think, yes... I believe that I have calmed down since my last post.  I do so appreciate the opportunity to use profanity at will.  (I almost put the word "cocksuckers" in my last post, but thought that might be going too far).  I can immediately tell if I will be really good friends with someone if I can drop an "F-bomb" without anyone blinking an eye.  I have one friend whom I hang with who is "Christian".  Usually that word associated with people freaks me out, but with her, it's cool.  We don't talk about God, and when I go over to her house I make sure cussing is allowed.  With her church gals, "Thou Shalt Not Swear", and so I don't...unless...I have had too many martinis, in which case, there are no guarantees.

My deep seated fear of Christians developed from the overwhelming guilt I would feel were I to offend them.  I don't know how to act around really nice, moral people.  I clam up!  I panic!  How can I talk to them if I'm not sure of all of the possible ways I could offend them?  What if I say motherfucker or worse "God Dammit" and use the Lord's name in vain!  I am even capitalizing the Lord's name, just in case Christian people read this!  Religion causes a lot of guilt.  I profess that I am agnostic, not a believer in organized religion, a little too shy and just-in-case-God-fearing to use the "atheist" word. (My disdain for this word shows by it's lack of capitalization!)  Makes me feel guilty! 

Guilt is a strange emotion.  It is cultural, philosophical and a spectacular tool for manipulating people.  Guilt is created when we weigh an action with a result or consequence.  To feel guilty, your action must lead to a  negative result.   This judgement is based upon our own filters and belief systems.  To avoid guilt we can balance action and consequence, or simply justify the result of our actions to serve our own agendas ie. rid us of guilt.  Conversely, guilt can be used to manipulate us, if we are taught to believe that certain results or acts are bad and by participating in them, we are, ourselves bad.

I feel guilty when I eat really yummy, high calorie, decadent food.  That sucks, because every time I eat it, I feel guilty, and man does that sap the joy out of it!  I have been taught, that skinny women are beautiful.  Therefore, if I want to be beautiful, I should be skinny.  I know that eating the wonderful cheese I bought today will not further my quest towards beautiful skinniness and thus the act of eating it, leads to guilt, as I will be letting down the skinny standard I have been taught my whole life to live up to.  The result: guilt.  The only reason I feel guilty about this, is because I believe what I have been taught.  If I didn't believe this cultural model, I would not feel guilty eating the cheese.  Question: Would I be skinnier if I didn't feel so guilty?

I feel guilty because my house is beyond messy.  Neglecting the cleanliness of my house in the interest of say, writing, I am letting down the cultural standard of clean house = good person.  If you came over to my house, I would feel really guilty.  I would also believe you would judge me.  Fuck you if you can't handle a little dust! (So sorry Christian people!)  I feel guilty because I don't hang out all day at my children's school participating in relentless parent involvement activities. Those other mom's look at me like I am some kind of child neglector!  Okay, I admit, it's not them that makes me feel guilty, it is the belief that to be a good mother, I must do the maximum amount of mothery-ish things.  Anything less, and I am a bad mom.

I feel guilty because I haven't gone to the gym in a week, because dammit, I just don't feel like it!  All of those fit assholes, with free-time blossoming out of their biceps, can just zip their pie-holes when they see my muffin-top bulging over my ill fitting jeans!  Well, I guess it's not them making me feel guilty, it is the belief that I must exercise at least three times a week to stay fit and healthy (see also Beautiful Skinny Lady).  Double guilt if you will...

There is a new kind of guilt I am exploring, kinda related to some of my ranting from my last post.  I dare say I am about to get political...Corporations don't experience guilt.  Even though corporations are now blessed with the same rights as "people" their morality/guilt is forgiven if the price is right.  For example, my local grocery store advised me that they will no longer be paying back a discount to those that bring in their own bags.  As an incentive to have people bring in re-usable bags, they paid me a few cents a bag in the form of a discount.  In turn, I did not take any of their bags, which here-to-for, were given free to customers of the store.  Turns out, that they are paying more to those who bring in their own bags, than it costs to buy their in-store plastic ones.

That is a good enough reason..I suppose.  From a purely business perspective, why should they pay more to incentivize good environmental policy, than it would cost to just keep spewing plastic bags into a land-fill?  Really, that is a good business decision.  The decision of whether or not to bring in re-usable bags, should therefore be left to the shopper.  We can feel some guilt whilst making this decision, but the grocer should not, nor are they reasonably expected to feel any guilt if they are protecting their bottom-line.  It costs them one cent per plastic bag and up to five cents per re-usable bag incentive.  That is five times the cost!  This is the only metric that matters when weighing the rightness or wrongness of a corporate action.

This got me to thinking about my up-side-down mortgage.  I have been doing a lot of reading about this situation that more than 48% of Americans find themselves in today.  There are a surprisingly large number of websites that are advocating that homeowners in this situation, simply walk away from their mortgages!  youwalkaway.com is a perfect example of this.  Their whole site is devoted to guiding people through "Stategic Default", or defaulting on a mortgage loan even if you can afford to continue making the payments.  Many sites that advocate this, receive hate mail and death threats.  81% of us, think that it is amoral to default on a mortgage, even if your home is no longer worth what you paid for it, and likely won't be for 20+ years.  It goes against everything we are manipulated to believe, and we should feel very very guilty if we do it! Or should we...?

My house is now considered a "Toxic Asset".  This means that when you look at it like a financial investment, it has gone to shit! (Please forgive me!)  Cultural morality would say that tough doo-dahs, you signed on you stay on!  That is your ethical obligation!  This situation looks a lot like the plastic bag situation I mentioned above, somehow the consumer has to bear the burden of guilt and do the right thing, save the environment/uphold a contract, no matter the costs in money or effort.  We aren't allowed to behave like a corporation.

Brent White from the University of Arizona College of Law, writes in his enlightening paper : "Underwater and Not Walking Away: Shame, Fear and the Social Management of the Housing Crisis",  that "fear, shame, and guilt are not mere "transaction costs" that homeowners calculate according to their own personal tolerance for each. Rather, these emotional constraints are actively cultivated by the government, the financial industry, and other social control agents in order to induce individual homeowners to act in ways that are against their own self interest".  Mr. White is an advocate of strategic default.  Guilt is the only thing holding most homeowners back from walking away from a deal gone bad.  Even though it would be in their best financial interest to walk away from their homes, only a small percentage of people have brought themselves around to being okay with strategic default. (see link to this paper at the bottom of this post).

I got a dollar says that the mortgage industry doesn't feel as guilty as we do.  " Unlike lenders who seek to maximize profits irrespective of concerns of morality or social responsibility, individual homeowners are encouraged to behave in accordance with social and moral norms requiring that individuals keep promises and honor financial obligations", he writes, "Lenders, on the other hand, have generally resisted calls to modify underwater mortgages despite the fact that it would be both socially beneficial and morally responsible for them to do so."  Tut tut the capitalist might say.  The business has the right to run itself as they see fit.  Morgan Stanley recently "Strategically Defaulted" on 5 enormous commercial properties that were underwater, recognizing the toxicity the investment had become.  If corporations are doing it, why shouldn't I?

In his article, Mr. White reviews the culture of guilt and shame, and how it effects our abilities to make decisions that although they are in our best interest are socially unacceptable.  Turns out our guilt is relied on in many situations to keep us doing the right thing, even if corporations aren't expected or required to. 

I am starting to ask myself: would I be richer, healthier, happier and skinnier if I didn't feel so guilty, and worried less about following the belief systems cultivated around me and followed more closely my own?  Do I have a greater moral obligation to my own well being and that of my family than I do to my mortgage company?  After all, didn't we enter into a financial arrangement, not a moral one?  And why are consumers, yet again, asked to shoulder "the good guy" side of the corporate relationship?  It makes sense to me, to look at the housing market a lot more like a corporation.  I'll no doubt, feel less guilty....


"Underwater and Not Walking Away: Shame, Fear and the Social Management of the Housing Crisis"   (http://www.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/real_estate/SSRN-id1494467.pdf)