Blog in Brief (No Pun Intended): Penis Envy

Photo by Midorisyu.

I noticed lately that some of my more popular blogs are about penises.  That got me to thinking that maybe I should write more blogs about penises, you know, to keep my audience interested.  What more could I possibly write about penises?  I have written about their size and how we can ball park how big their mysterious members might be by observing hand proportions (see "Man Hands").  I have blogged about blowing said schlong-age.  What other appealing dong topics are out there?

I must delve into the realm of penis-hood as thoroughly as I have the art of pubic hair coiffing. For example, I could write about penis enlargement or erectile dysfunction.  Viagra might be interesting to explore.  Penis piercing, erection control, morning woodies, pee hard ons, blue balls, thinking-with-your-dick, premature ejaculation, etc. are all viable topics.  How about a comparison of men's undies all the way to the wild and suspicious, free-baller?  Banana hammocks?  The male thong?  Shrinkage!!

There is a veritable pot pourri of penile topicals!  Nobody talks about these things, but I know we want to!   Alas, we girls must admit to our secret curiosity of all things prickish!   I mean how does it feel to have a  penis?  Does it bounce when you run?  Is it often caught in zippers?  It sticks out after all, not neatly tucked away like our girly bits.  Can you sit on your balls funny and pinch them?  Does that hurt?  Do you play with your own balls when you masturbate or is that a waste of time? ( I feel like it is a waste of time.)

If only men would talk more about their weeni!  Every time I ask my husband these questions, he cringes and turns on the golf channel.  Seriously, how am I supposed to become an expert penis handler without some type of feedback or education? Could men offer us a class, "Penis 101" perhaps?  Lord knows we would willingly host the complimentary class, "Clitoral ABCs".

Perhaps I could share famous penis limericks or songs?  Such as "There Once Was a Man From Nantucket" or " Do Your Balls Hang Low?".  I am pretty sure there are no vagina songs.  Hard to rhyme much with vagina.  (Angina, Aunt Jemimah, etc. So not funny.).

I shall ponder said topic, and see what else we can learn about this fascinating appendage.  Just the foreshadowing (foreplay?) of these topics to come, should keep you mildly curious...