The Half-Time Report: Let's Kick Some Ass!!

Photo by kellbailey.

I am a middle aged woman. (In case you had forgotten from my 35 other posts devoted to this topic).  I guess it's on my radar, you know, since I am smack dab in the the middle of being in the middle.  Using available statistics of the typical life expectancy for the average American female, I am exactly half way to the end of my allotted time. (Barring catastrophic injury or illness of course.)  I have some choices to make.  I can continue to wallow (count wrinkles and grey hair) or I can start to put a positive spin on this getting older thing.  Whether any of us like it or not, graphically, we are on the downside of our upward trend, and are now lurching (okay, overstated, more like pitching slightly) towards the dreaded, the inevitable....old age!  Duh Duh Dunnnn! (deeply spoken, suggestive of extreme melodrama).

Why are we so damn afraid of getting old?  I know lots of old people.  Incidentally, the older I get, the older old gets.  When I was 20 something, I thought a 40 year old guy was appallingly old, verging on disgusting.  Since I am now married to an almost 50 year old man  (how did that happen??) my calculation of "old" needed some updating. Ironically, I now prefer 50 something guys, and find the thought of being with 20 something guys, disgusting.  Women are supposed to have their best years in middle age, the deepest friendships, the greatest sexual satisfaction (mostly because we have given up trying to act like porn stars in the rack and now know what we want, making no apologies for taking it!)

What was so great about being 20 anyway?  I mean, you were broke and nobody respected you, particularly old people.  You were nowhere in your career and while dating you risked abject humiliation near constantly.  You didn't own anything of substance, you were still trying desperately to impress your friends, and spending time alone was considered a social failure.  You hated your body (a trend that will persist throughout your life).  You had no idea who you were or what you wanted and you hated your parents.    You knew everything and were better than everyone, although you were too insecure to let everyone know it.  Your skin was unpredictable.  You couldn't afford to travel, and even if you could, your friends couldn't.  Your tolerance for alcohol was off the charts and sex was kind of shitty.  You lived with slovenly room mates, your car barely ran (if you were lucky enough to own one), you couldn't drag your ass out of bed before noon every day, and you were likely a waitress or bartender.

But now, here you are!  You've survived the first half of your life!  You've made it to middle age! Half-time. No disease, healthy mind, healthy body, switching to cruise control.  (Might you even go on a cruise?)  Money in the bank, happy family, a marriage that's beating the odds, successful career, and halle-frick'en-lujah, you've found sexual awareness!  Why the hell are you complaining? Mid-life crisis?  (I spit on your mid-life crisis!!)  What are you wishing you had back?  Really?  Feel like recapturing the real you, the glory days?  Seriously, if you started bar hopping now, it would be creepy!

Let's get cliche for a moment and talk about the proportionate fullness of glasses.  We are poised for some serious awesomeness my fellow mid-lifers!  Truly, if things go well, you get to live your whole life, to this point, over again, without the angst and pathetic-ness that comes with being young!!  Imagine the power you have!  Look back on your life.  The first 20 years were spent "growing up", learning to walk, wiping your own ass, etc.  Now look at you!  All grown up, clean derriere and all the know-how accumulated from the first half of your life, at your ready disposal!  You know who you are!  Now start planning some adventure!  Imagine how dangerous you would be in high school if you knew what you know now!

If you are in a rut, that is your own damn fault.  You can't enter the next half of your life with one foot firmly rooted in the past.  Stop looking back over your shoulder, you're falling behind. Commit to it and embrace it.  Time is passing whether you like it or not!

It is healthy and normal to take a good, long look at your life strategy moving forward.  After all, the rules set in the first half of your life, were provided by a much more immature and less substantive version of yourself. You can still experience passion and excitement and achievement.  You don't have to run out and get a tattoo or pierce your nipple!  Look at what you have accumulated in your life thus far and use it to your advantage moving forward.

A little reframing might be in order.  Ask questions....What is really important to you?  What are you afraid that you are missing?  What new pursuits do you want to challenge yourself with?  Are you happy with how you are living your life?  Are you driven by intrinsic or extrinsic rewards?  Are the relationships you currently have fulfilling, interesting, stimulating?  Are you fully committed to your life? Ask those questions honestly, and look for the answers within yourself.  Don't blame.  Hit re-set and look at your life from the present version of yourself, and let that old mold crack...what does a 20 year old know about what you are living right now anyway?

Now get out there you bunch of lily, livered bastards and kick some second-half ass!